The visit to the funeral home was an ordeal. I tried to be very unemotional and business minded. I had stuff to do. I can do stuff. I can get through it. The poor little man at the funeral home never had a chance.
I am fortunate to have a large family which includes a cousin that works in a funeral home. I called him to find out who I needed to use in my own state and he basically took info on what I wanted and set everything up. When we went to meet with my director we did very little talking. I told him he already had my instructions, I didn't want to look at anything. I just asked if there was anyway I could see the body before the cremation took place. I told him I understood it may be a very bad experience, but I needed to do it for myself and that it didn't have to be anything fancy.
I was told that because he was being cremated and we didn't want an official viewing that only the family would be allowed in. Then I paid for the services. The poor little man, it was so funny. I paid him in cash then asked for a receipt. He told me it would be a little while because he'd have to copy the cash with their copier. I told him how to lay out the bills and what percentage to reduce it to so he'd only have to make one copy (my sister cracked up, we used to work at a print and copy shop together when I was in college).
When he left the room some other guy came in to talk to me about the awesome bookmarks they would make for me to hand out. I said no thank you. The man looked like he was going to cry. I explained that I had some nice bookmarks of deceased relatives and felt awkward and didn't really know what to do with them so thanks but no thanks. Then he asked if he could make us some cookies and I told him yes. (I mean he looked like he was going to cry over those bookmarks, what else could I say).
Then I got copies of all the paperwork I had signed and copies of the money, then we got cookies in little to go baggies. And we left. It felt like it had taken all day, but really it was just a few hours.
I have no idea what else happened that day.
I know we slept in a floor pallet again that night.
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