This may be a bit graphic, but I wanted to share my own experience in hopes that it may help someone else with their own grief.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Changing of the Guard

So for the next several days, the ladies I worked with snapped into place. It actually started right after her died. The troops were mobilized. My bestie was included and people arranged for me to NOT BE ALONE. I could go to my room for a while if I liked, they could check on me there, I spent a lot of time on the couch, by the phone charger. I mostly answered the phone and said that I had no clue when things would happen. Everyone wanted to know about "arrangements" and I had no clue. I had been told that it might be more than a week before I got the remains from the police. I didn't know how to act or what to tell people. Everyone wanted to know what was taking so long. My Mama wanted to come see me, I wanted to be alone. I wasn't allowed to be alone (I am pretty sure that it's a good idea that I wasn't left alone, but I really did want to be alone.) I was depressed and wallowing in misery. It was so hard to eat anything but there was some sort of rule I was required to eat food twice per day... and that's pretty much what I stuck to. I wouldn't be forced into more... the twice per day was hard enough. I wasn't hungry I was just so sad and tired. It was hard to rest. I know I was sleeping but actual rest didn't seem to happen. There were people trying to help me get a list of what the police took, people in the department trying to help me get my laptop back, which didn't happen for a long time.
It was a complete mess. And again I was so sad.

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