Since the things I was posting about kind of went in order prior to the last few, there are another couple of traumatic things that happened after Allen died and before I went to AZ. I had a car accident one day a week or so after I started back to work. And by having a car accident I mean I hit a pedestrian who was on her cellphone running through moving traffic. She lived, everyone told me she was ok. People were actually worried about me driving myself home, but it was the middle of the day. I was on my way to work from being home for lunch and I didn't know who to call. It was only a mile or two from my home. Everyone was so kind. There were even witnesses who saw everything and told the police there was no way I could avoid hitting her.
I had never even thought about the chance I might do something like that before.
Let me tell you it's really surreal. I was so afraid to get back in the car and drive, but I had to. The next morning I got in my car and drove that exact route to work. So I could...
On January 2nd Allen's grandfather died. I knew he wasn't going to live long. I had gone to see him on my Christmas trip to Alabama. I just didn't know it would be so hard to lose him. He was always so kind to me.
The day he died one of my girlfriends called and told me I had to get off the couch and get out of the house. She said I could meet her out or she could pick me up. I chose meet her. On my way to meet her I got a speeding ticket.
I quit smoking on January 8th.
I haven't started back and don't intend to.
I put the money I would spend on cigarettes everyday into my savings account for something special :).
On January 11th the dog that has been my constant companion since August 5, 2000 had to be put to sleep. She'd been in renal failure for about 2 years.
I fed her my favorite candy in the whole world... Reese's easter eggs. The original size ones that you buy individually. I had bought two the first day I saw them in the store. She ate them with such passion I can't imagine ever eating them again.
She was so happy and went so peacefully.
I know it was the right thing to do. I feel like the most selfish person in the world for saying this, I know there will be people who disagree or think less of me, but it felt like I lost a child. A part of my very soul. I loved that dog so much, and she never ever left me or got mad at me. She was always here for me. When I was said she'd let me hold on to her and she'd lick my tears away.
As she was dying I told her to go bite Mr. Allen. We were Mr. Allen and Ms. Charity to her. Allen thought it was stupid for people to refer to pets as children. We used to tell her to bite each other when we were aggravated with one another.
I had all my work peeps with me when it was time. They were so good to me. One of our male docs had to leave because he couldn't stand the thought of being there for it. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be happy she was no longer in pain. It just hurt so bad. I screamed and cried, like I'm doing now.
Keeping your pet from suffering is the kindest thing you can do for them. I kept my promise to her. I didn't let her suffer.
I know it was the right thing to do.
But it still hurts.
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