I have posted about feeling that I am worth more to myself. But if I really stop and think, it only applies to how I think of myself. In terms of my worth to others, I think for the most part I devalue myself in relationships. This counts for both men and women. I wasn't really sure why. I have worked been working on freeing myself from onesided friendships (you know, the kind where you are the only person participating in the friendship.
Today I found a box in Allen's closet that reminded me why I devalue myself. It's not his fault, but finding secrets from someone you dedicated your whole life to is really hard to accept. To feel like I wasn't worth enough for him to share his life with me, feeling like I always went along with whatever he wanted and it still wasn't enough.
He told me I was all he wanted, but based on my findings it couldn't be true. It's just hard, he's not here for me to fight with and demand an explanation. Things he told me he was over a long time ago... how could he hang on to them if he was over them, how could it be true?
Why am I letting this get to me?
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