Just as I Suspected...

I mentioned that I mailed off the hard drive to my favorite person. Who went through it tonight (well sent me directories to look through). It was just as I suspected, lots of stuff backed up here, some stuff I don't have a clue about, and then other stuff.

I lost a a friend yesterday. I lost him in the sense that he died, in the hospital. I'm friends with his wife as well. I have petsit for them anytime they needed the last couple of years. I love their little dog to pieces. He is short, can be loud but not usually without reason, and he's diabetic. He's perfectly housetrained and likes to sleep with me. he's really good company.

I'm keeping him for a few days right now. I'm glad. I know he doesn't get to stay long, but I'm hoping he helps me a bit. You see I thought all morning that when I got the chance to stop I'd cry. I kept feeling the tears back there. But when I got the chance, they wouldn't come.

I know I need to let this out, but I've been shutting down emotionally. I wanted to call in to work this afternoon, except they were letting me do the job that I want them to give me and, they needed me so I needed to suck it up... but I did try to let it out. It's what I want to do... I know I need to. It's weird. I feel all Shawshank Redemption about the stupid tears. You know when Morgan Freeman's character talks about having lived "inside" for so long he can't "make water" without permission. I need a shoulder, some arms... someone to tell me it's ok and they won't leave.

I just want to be able to relax in my feelings and let them out.

I'm trying to do it on my own, I don't understand why it's so hard right now...