Monday, Monday...

This was a pretty good Monday! I wish they all went so well :).  We changed our run day to Monday for the next few weeks and I'm excited about that. Also I'm petsitting at one of my favorite places that I can choose to spend or not spend the night at so that's exciting.

There are three awesome cats that I love to sit for. Ok, so enough about that stuff. I called my Daddy today. And I'm glad I did. some of his health issues are better, some are not but it was an upbeat call for sure! I also talked to my college friend R today. He and I haven't spoken in several weeks, but he was worried, so he called.  We had a talk, a good talk and if I hadn't been at work, there would have been a good long cry to go with it, but I was at work and so I shed a few tears and went back to sweep and mop.

I know I'm glossing over, and so I'm going to write a bit about our conversation. I told him about cleaning the "study" and finding things in there... things I didn't know about. I told him that I hated feeling so bad about myself, about wondering how I fit into everything he was into. R told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to Allen, that if it hadn't been for me, that Allen would have killed himself 10 years ago or more. I am not sure how I feel about it. As a christian I was taught that God has a plan for everyone, but that we also have free will. I'm not sure how this works... was it his plan for me to get married to a man who might have or might not have committed suicide? I hate to question faith at this point, but I almost feel like this is just natural.

Why me? Why not someone else? The answer of course is why not me, what makes me special and to admit that I also believe he would have died years sooner. That statement may make me selfish, and I may have said all this before. But it's what I'm thinking so, there. I am special. Special that I am going on with my life, that I'm blogging what's on my mind. That I have been able to seek help.

Today has been another good day :)

That is awesome!