I am moving out of this house on Sunday. The house where "things happened." I feel like this is the final step so I can have complete and total control over myself. I'm moving far, far away. There is a sadness. I have some wonderful friends that I am going to miss. I have a friend here that I talk to on a daily basis right now. I plan to continue checking in with her. I have another friend I check in with on a daily basis. I plan to keep that up as well. These two people live in different states, but I know they both care about me and have done more than a friendship requires in my life. I love them both dearly for it, and they would give me anything they have to offer as I would them. It's not everyday that you make friends like that.
Every night this week is taken by someone else as a goodbye dinner type thing. It's happy and sad. I'm doing my best to keep everyone upbeat because that's what I want. My mother certainly doesn't support my decision to live my own life, and my friends are giving me that support, well my friends and my Daddy and my siblings.
I had a friend comment recently on the fact that "I'm the glue." And it's true, and sometimes the glue that holds all the family relationships together feels like a terrible burden. So I'm kind of forgiving myself of that duty. I don't love anyone less, but for the first time in my life, I love ME more. I am worth more than days of headaches and heartaches trying to make everyone else happy. I am just as important as anyone else, and it is PAST time for me to realize that.
That being said, I am so thankful to have taken this year to be so reflective and to listen to me for once. To follow my inner voice that never tries to mislead me. She always wants me to do the right thing for me, even when I fight her on it.
:)
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