It's almost the date that used to be my wedding anniversary. People tell me that I can still call it that. I don't want to. I want some other words for it. Allen promised me after we got married that we'd celebrate the ones that ended with 5 and 0... barring the first. He said we didn't need to celebrate every year.
He didn't.
Last year was 15 years. We did not celebrate, he didn't feel like it.
I'm not saying I wanted a big gift, but I wanted the day to be special. We certainly argued about the date long enough. I originally wanted to get married on Halloween so we wouldn't be stuck expected to wear a white dress and a tux. I wanted it to be FUN. I wanted it to be us.
I wanted to hear the words Happy Anniversary every year. I wanted to know it meant as much to him that we dedicated our lives to one another. I'd rather have had him forget the actual date than to just watch it go by.
When you think about it these are the ones we had to celebrate by his "rules": 1,5,10,15.
That's not very many.
I've always kind of felt bad about the not celebrating of our anniversary. It's a something I should have fought for. Maybe.
Maybe it'll be easier because it'll be more normal?
It's weird because most days I don't really think about it. I guess I only thought about it today because I'm off work and noticed the date.
Maybe that's why I had that dream the other day.
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