August 2nd would have been Allen's birthday. He would have been 38. It wasn't hard. I planned for some sad time, but really didn't get sad. He had a strict "no acknowledging my birthday" policy which was always hard for me. Birthdays were always the one day you got to pick what you wanted for dinner and everyone seemed just a bit nicer when I was growing up. I wasn't going to do anything at all, but then it was suggested that I at least get some cupcakes or something and I did. I spent the morning at home alone. Then I packed up some scrapbook supplies and headed to my friend P's house for the day (after stopping by my FAVORITE cupcakery here). We scrapped and chatted and enjoyed the most delicious cupcakes.
It wasn't sad. It was ok. It was nice to be able to say out loud it was his birthday and cringe every time his phone rang because he didn't take calls on his birthday. He really didn't like them.
Yesterday I went to a birthday party for a 3 year old. My co-worker's granddaughter. It was a ton of fun. And I met a very special person there. I actually knew in advance that he MIGHT be there and that made it even more important for me to stop by. I met the man who picked up Allen's body. He is actually the one who cut him down.
He answered questions for me that no one else would, but he was so careful with his words. He answered slowly and kept asking if I was ok. I was. I really wanted to know the few things that he told me. I told him that my neighbor refused to tell me any details about what he found, and that we were no longer speaking to one another. He seemed surprised at that, but he doesn't really know my neighbor so... oh well :).
I felt relieved after we spoke.
Relieved to know that tiny bit of information that I couldn't quite work out in my head.
Knowledge is power!
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