I just had a phone conversation with Allen's mom. It went well. I had wanted to tell her that I was ready to let go of ashes. And ask if she wanted some. I'm glad I asked.
The only thing I have done so far that wasn't what he wanted, is I have been holding on to some ashes. I have blogged about them before. I AM ready to let go... physically. I feel like I have emotionally moved so far past holding on to them. The only thing I was sad about talking to her was the fact that she started crying. I didn't mean to make her cry. She said she cries every day. I did lose both a husband and a grandfather, but she lost a son and her father. I can't imagine both of those things so close together.
I want her to have peace in her life. I feel like I have peace with it. Like everything has just happened that was supposed to. Maybe that's morbid.
Maybe it's selfish in some way.
I don't know and I don't care. I'm ok. I'm happy :).
I want everyone to be.
Hugs.
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